The Best Christmas Gift?

It's the holidays and, as every year, my in-laws ask what I want for Christmas. What's the latest gadget, the latest trend, something I want and long to have? For the first 30 years of my life, I always had an answer for what I want, that gift voucher, that accessory, that camera or smart phone. Now I have my eyes on a particular watch but even that isn't so important to me as it once would have been. The best Christmas gift I know I'll be getting this year is the one I'm giving myself: Gratitude. 

Two old albums I listened to recently (one by the Indigo Girls and the other by Diana Krall) took me down memory lane as I reminisced of times I shared with the two people they remind me of. I knew each of them at different times in my life and both for a total of two years, yet those two years are worth a lifetime. I will probably never see or talk to them again but the impact they had on me is timeless. They were such an integral part of my self-exploration and self-discovery that a piece of them will remain entrenched in my mind and heart long after they exited my life. I am forever grateful. 

So who are the people you're grateful for? Why do they matter to you? And would they still hold significance to you even if they were no longer in your life? Even if they were to never reach out to you or you to them?

It’s Not About Perfect

Most mornings start the same in our apartment in West Amman. At six a.m., I fetch Omar’s undergarments and school uniform. In the kitchen, I spread paprika-seasoned hummus onto toasted German bread and top it with tomato slices. 

“Guten Morgen. Hast du gut geschlafen?” I wake up Omar who's unresponsive and there begins the rush of seeing him out the door in time to catch the bus to school. 

***

It’s seven a.m. and Shareef has begun his morning ritual of wiggles and mumblings. “Five more minutes, habiby,” I murmur as I dry the last few dishes. At the start of “mama mama mama,” I spring to his call. 

“Sabah al-khair Shareefo!” I greet him beaming. I know he needs to be changed and fed. A swarm of work emails need to be addressed. But this moment, with Shareef hanging on to me so tightly, is fleeting. With his little hands caressing my hair and hazelnut brown eyes gazing into mine, I can almost hear him say, “Mama, you are the world to me.”

It doesn’t matter to him whether I’m slender, smart, tidy or rich. He loves me just the way I am. Omar is a different story. At seven years old, he would rather watch Ninjago than read a story with me. This is the fate of most parents. Those morning smiles have all but vanished and, while he still hugs me goodnight, it’s usually prompted by his father’s insistence. With Omar, I rushed through those precious morning rituals to make sure I got to work on time. With Shareef, the world can just wait for a few minutes.

***

Shareef likes to take his time eating his breakfast, so between spoonfuls of oatmeal, he listens with fascination and amusement to my off-key singing of his favourite tunes, like ‘Baba wa Mama bihabuni…’. I try to savour this precious moment with him, but my to-do list starts to creep in. I have a dozen emails to write and just as many articles to edit. There’s housework. I have to give Shareef a bath, cut his nails and make his food (it’s mujadara today). Then there’s getting myself ready before we head out for errands – taking a shower and exercising are huge achievements for a work-at-home mother!

***

With my yellow mat out and blue dumbbells in hand, I’m set to sweat to Jillian Michaels, my kick-butt personal DVD trainer. 

I was a chubby kid who would sacrifice fun with friends and classmates to avoid being seen in a bathing suit and I never wore shorts. I don’t think I ever owned a pair. 

Just when I’m about to fold on that last core move and cave in to the inner voice that says, “You’re not worth it,” Jillian speaks to me through my television screen. “It's not about perfect,” she says. “It's about effort. And when you bring that effort every single day, that's where transformation happens. That's how change occurs.” 

***

The bus beeps, announcing Omar’s return from school. “How was your day?” I ask. “Fine.” “What did you do today?” I prompt. “Nothing,” he says. Between feeding the boys, getting Omar changed and sitting him down for homework, I try to think of other ways to ask the same question. “So, Omar, was Ms. Jackson happy or sad today?” I ask. This elicits a more specific response, if just as short. Of all the obscure courses I took during my undergraduate and graduate studies, Parenting 101 was not among them. I sure could use it now. 

***

With the kids tucked in bed, I unwind over back-to-back episodes of my favourite television shows. I’m supposed to be working: I should be editing articles, coordinating with writers and experts and planning future editions. When I reach for the fridge to get milk for my late-night coffee fix, the blank magnetic notepad stares me in the face. The laundry needs folding. But all of it can wait. 

After all, it’s not about perfect.

Gratitude for the New Year 

The beginning of every year is a hopeful time. We make a decision to improve something with ourselves. At the very least, we have intentions, if not an entire strategy, to edit aspects of our lives that we don’t like. 

But for 2016, I have a different kind of New Year's Resolution and that's gratitude. Rather than focus on changing the things I don’t like about myself, I'll be looking at all the things that I'm pleased with.

Being grateful for family, for deepened relationships, for good health and so on. It's about striving to embrace all that we have in life, all the people we love, and all the stories we create in the moments that we’ve been given.

In this "gratitude" post, I ask others, "What Does Family Mean To You":

Samar Sabha

Life Coach and Creativity & Design Thinking Trainer 

Family is a safe place that’s free of judgment, honours differences and is full of hugs, “I love you”, “I care about you”, “I support you”, “I will not let you down”, “I am here for you” and “You are great and beautiful as you are”. Where do I place my family according to my own definition? I give myself seven out 10. Some moments I give myself 10 out of 10 and sometimes I decide to do better next time.

Dr Sahar Jumean

Paediatric Dentist

Family is morning coffee with my spouse and mayhem trying to rush the kids out of the house in time for school. It's laughing uncontrollably with my siblings and a hug from a parent that feels like home. Family is strolling on a beach collecting seashells and opening gifts Christmas morning. It's hand-me-downs that are so precious. Family is chaotic order, it's knowing that someone is just a phone call away willing to drop everything in a heartbeat for you; unconditional love despite time or distance. 

Sheela Sheth

Food Contributor 

Family is inspiration, strength, support and providence. A light at the end of the tunnel.

Karma Khalidi

Early Childhood Teacher 

Family is all the people around me who have made a mark on who I am today – mostly in a positive way. Some of the people I consider family are actually friends who’ve shared special moments with me. As a mother, I also understand that family is unmeasurable love. I feel blessed to have a loving and supportive family that pushes me to excel and simply makes my life worth living.

Rula Wardeh Sakkab

Yoga Instructor

I see my yoga students as family – those I share similar interests, dreams and lifestyles. My second cousin is family even though we have totally different interests. My closest friend is like family because we understand and can forgive each other. With family, I don’t feel judged, even when I have unintentionally done or said something wrong. But I don’t take them for granted – family it is still a relationship that needs to be nurtured with compassion.

Dr Marwan Jumean

Cardiologist

Family includes all those we love, trust and respect and these are the cornerstones of a happy family. My siblings and I are lucky to have been raised on such a foundation. My family is my support system; they are there for me when I need them the most. My wife and I try to raise our kids the same way our families raised us: to love, respect, motivate and support each other; what affects one family member, affects the family as a whole.

Razan Shwayhat

Dietician 

“My family is my life” may seem like a cliché but when you read between the lines, you understand that it means: 

“I” is no longer “myself”

I take care of myself for them

They are in my thoughts, prayers and plans – everything is oriented around them

It’s the place I always want to go to and where I feel safe

Noor Sa'adeh

Blogger & Production Manager 

The passage and journey of life is much more apparent with a family. Birth, death, marriage, successes and failures are all shared and create many opportunities to see one another to check in and check up. You are loved by family “just because”. There is no need to prove yourself or to be sought after only for what you can do for others. The unconditional love of family, even when these relationships are tested by the stresses of life, overcomes all. 

Sally Hurst

Private Chef & Food Blogger 

Family are those we depended on to be the one constant in our lives. Growing up in different countries, friends would change, apartments would be different, languages unfamiliar, schools would be new, but my parents and sisters would remain the same. My husband's Jordanian Circassian family has embraced me warmly and with enthusiasm. Their smiles, hugs and habibatees break through any cultural barriers that might exist. 

Banan Gharaibeh

Food Blogger

I realised how much my family is truly my treasure this year when my youngest son graduated. At that moment, I truly didn't regret quitting and refusing long hours at a pharmaceutical company or having my own pharmacy. Nowadays, I’m happy as a food blogger and my whole family participates with food and setup ideas! 

Zeina Shahzada-Majali

Assistant Director at National Press 

Family is my heart, my strength, my happiness. I don't only consider my kin as close family but also some of my friends who’ve been with me through thick and thin. Even colleagues I've worked with for over a decade have become my family. One of the most beautiful qualities of our part of the world is how family remains deeply rooted in our society.

Dr Josi Salem-Pickartz

Clinical Psychologist

I owe who I am, in all positive and negative aspects, to the family that I come from. In our current family, we are a great team and very good, close friends. We can rely on each other, trust each other and understand and respect each other’s unique personalities. Family is the soil in which a person grows and the water that she needs to develop her personality and potential to its fullest.

Sonia Salfity

Contributor 

Family is sharing of laughter and tears during good times and bad. These memories are like a beacon of light that can shine on the darkest of days, bringing joy even when things aren't going my way. Family can encompass so much when we allow ourselves to open up and be courageous and authentic. I am grateful that I belong to a God who shows me how to love and how to accept love from others. Suddenly, I don't focus on shortcomings but on the endless blessings that flow through these relationships.

Dr Amjad Jumai'an

Child & Adolescent Psychiatrist

As a child psychiatrist and father, I know very well that a child’s wellbeing is dependent on his family’s wellbeing. For me, family is a group of people that work cohesively, are open to one another about their thoughts, are not afraid to share their shortcomings and to learn from their mistakes. They make decisions together and subsequently have self-respect and mutual respect.

Hidden Veggie Smoothie 

We already know the importance of children getting enough fruit and vegetables into their daily diet. However, finding a way to get little ones to eat two to four servings of fruit and three to five servings of vegetables every day can be tough – I know it’s tough with my two boys. Sneakiness is needed for my picky eaters. You too can help your child get the recommended daily amounts of both fruits and veggies with this smoothie.

Ingredients 

1 cup low-fat milk 

½ cup orange juice 

1 banana, peeled

1 apple, cut up

¼ cup strawberries, blueberries or pineapple 

1 tbsp honey 

¼ cup plain yoghurt 

1 carrot, peeled 

1 cucumber 

1 cup cauliflower 

Directions

1. Pour milk into the blender

2. Add your fruits, veggies, honey and yoghurt. Add milk or orange juice if it gets too thick

3. Put blender on a high setting for a minute or two

4. Serve immediately. For toddlers, serve in a cup with a straw

3 December is International Day of Persons with Disability

Only around 3% of children with disabilities in Jordan receive any form of education, according to the Higher Council for Affairs of People with Disabilities (HCD)

In an interview with Family Flavours last May, Prince Mir’ed bin Ra’ad, President of HCD, said, “Inclusion is important for all of us – people with disabilities and people without.” Inclusion is not just about ramps, Braille or signing, he adds. "It entails the adoption of an education philosophy for all.” 

You may recall The Jordan Times article last April about a 20-year-old woman with a mental disability who spent the past 15 years chained to the staircase in her family’s house, except at bedtime. You may also recall the case of a father who pushed his disabled son off a building and then burned his body. Sadly, there are many such accounts.

Although stories like these are upsetting to many of us who embrace people of all abilities and disabilities, are we doing enough to reach out to families who struggle? Sure, we can be angry with the parents who keep their children locked up or worse, but aren't our own stereotypes and judgement part of the large scale problem of abuse that we see across Jordan? 

Lina Masri, national coordinator of Faith and Light Jordan, once admitted to me what so many people think, "I was afraid of them [people with disabilities] and didn’t want to be around them. Their life has no purpose." 

Like Lina, I was deeply impacted by a visit to Bait Al Mahaba (Home of Love) in Ruseifeh for children with severe disabilities and are either orphaned or abandoned by their families. For Lina, it was "a test of whether or not I truly love the way I was taught to love all my life.” 

Lina began to visit Yousef there until his tragic death at the age of three. Although she was deeply affected by his passing, a nun reminded her, "There are many Yousefs out there, and they’re all in need of our love.” That was the beginning of Lina’s lifetime commitment to spreading love to an often neglected part of society. 

Faith and Light is made up of those with disabilities, their families and friends. It’s a community that shares in each other’s hardships and each other’s joys and celebrations. Faith and Light recognizes that people need more than food and shelter; they need love. “Everywhere now, people have to be intelligent, attractive and strong to be loved," Lina once told me. At Faith and Light, people are loved as they are, with all their shortcomings, and they don’t have to change for others to love them.

For the disabled, they have the opportunity to recognise and use their gifts and discover the joy of friendship. Lina explains that friendship does wonders to help people with disabilities. Lina recalls Ibshara, a young man who used to hit people, but after joining Faith and Light and gaining trust in people, he ceased to hit. Raed is an example of someone who was emotionally scarred after hearing people in the streets throw insults at him. When he would hear the word ‘muaq’ (disabled) he would throw a tantrum, but not anymore. Lina says, “He doesn’t think of those bullies anymore. He knows he has people who love him. The word can no longer hurt him.” 

To parents, Faith and Light offers support and helps them to better appreciate the inner beauty and gifts of their children. A number of them become a source of strength to other parents who suffer. 

Faith and Light is always looking for volunteers to broaden their friendship network. Age doesn’t matter – they have children and adults up to age 70! What they’re mainly looking for is commitment. “Children and adults with disabilities find it extremely difficult to get attached and then find that someone gets married and discontinues the friendship; they feel abandoned,” Lina says. “Anyone can start something, but not everyone can continue the journey that is so important in what we do.”

Can You Spot the Difference?

Can you spot the difference in this gingerbread house? If you can, there's a good chance you'll win a prize and you even get to pick it (from a choice of five gifts). There may be a couple of differences but I am looking for one in particular that is apparent in every photo.

If you reside in Jordan, respond to the competition announcement at www.familyflavours.com or email lhaddad@almarjipublications.com with your answer. Please note that a draw will take place in the event of multiple correct entries and the winner's name will be announced here at Flavour of the Day (www.familyflavours.net). Two more competitions are coming up! 

Happy 1st of December!

My tough critic gave me a thumbs up on this one!

Tis the Season for Carrot Cake!

The applesauce and pineapple in this recipe make this cake deliciously moist 

Ingredients

4 eggs

1/2 cup butter, softened

1/2 cup applesauce

1 can crushed pineapple, drained

1/2 cup white sugar

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/4 tsp nutmeg

3 tsp vanilla extract

2 cups all-purpose flour

2 tsp baking soda

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

2 tsp ground cinnamon

3 cups grated carrots

1 cup chopped pecans

1/2 cup butter, softened

220g cream cheese, softened

1 cup confectioners' sugar

1 tsp vanilla extract

Pecans for garnishing

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 175 degrees C. Grease and flour a cake pan 

2. In a large bowl, beat together eggs, oil, sugar, applesauce, and three teaspoons vanilla

3. Mix in flour, pineapple, baking soda, baking powder, nutmeg, salt and cinnamon

4. Stir in carrots. Fold in pecans. Pour into prepared pan

4. Bake in the oven for 40 to 50 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the centre of the cake comes out clean. Let cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack and cool completely

5. To make frosting, in a medium bowl, combine butter, cream cheese, confectioners' sugar and one teaspoon vanilla. Beat until the mixture is smooth and creamy

6. Stir in chopped pecans

7. Frost the cooled cake and garnish with pecans

(Published in Family Flavours November 2015)

Giving Thanks in Style!

By Laura Haddad

Although Thanksgiving is traditionally a holiday in the United States and Canada, more and more people in Jordan are coming together to celebrate fall and give thanks. Here's how we celebrated with multicultural family members and friends.

The Decorations

Pumpkins are a fun way to decorate any gathering this season. Instead of using a traditional vase for flowers, put your arrangement in carved-out pumpkins!

I wanted to incorporate the beautiful colours of fall with green and orange. Bookstores and gift shops in Amman are selling Thanksgiving-themed decorations, including the napkins shown here

Guests got to share what they are thankful for. Each guest wrote down their response and hung them on the branches of the centrepieces

These white spray-painted pumpkins kept us in the Thanksgiving theme of giving thanks

Because our guests were from different countries, we decorated these candles with flags to add another personal touch to the festive evening

I displayed the dinner menu in this golden frame

The Food

The traditional main course for Thanksgiving is turkey, but stuffing comes in a lot of variations. Traditional American stuffing usually consists of dried bread, croutons, onion, celery, salt, pepper and other spices and herbs. For the Jordanian palette, we made a rice and minced meat stuffing. Of course, any turkey slice has to be topped with gravy! We served a variety of salads to please every kind of guest!

My American sister-in-law made sweet potatoes, another American staple

Our turkey and pumpkin-themed desserts were big hits. You can get any bakery in Amman to design a themed cake or set of cupcakes

Although traditional favourites are apple pie or crumble and pumpkin pie or cheesecake, our dinner was a fusion of cultures, so we served up knafeh, a Jordanian cheese pastry dessert 

Event styling 

Need some extra help with decorating for your holiday events? Check out: 

*Pelion Design

*Style My Table

*Party in a Box 

*Celebrations Event Planners 

Picture-perfect families. That's what we see almost daily on our Facebook news feed and in our monthly magazines. Big smiles. What we don't see is behind closed doors. For International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, we open the door. 

Somehow, we imagine an abuse survivor to appear visibly weak, timid, victimized. We assume we would know and see from their faces the trauma they are going through or have endured. But this is far from true. In fact, you can be sure that someone you know is or has suffered physical, sexual and/or emotional abuse and that someone may very well be masking this secret behind a bright smile. 

This is not surprising when "in Jordan, 57 per cent of female victims of violence refrain from reporting it because they fear the social stigma and the reaction of their families," UN Women Representative to Jordan Giuseppe Belsito told The Jordan Times. Today, the Jordanian National Commission for Women (JNCW) launched a 16 Days of Action Campaign with stakeholders that include ARDD-Legal Aid and USAID Takamol Gender Programme. 

And, as local and global statistics indicate, abusers are more likely to be people we know, and could well be people we care about, including close family. What makes it even more difficult for abuse survivors is functioning in a society where an individual's needs, including her safety and wellbeing, are often overlooked or suppressed in order to protect and safeguard family reputation.

In an article published in Family Flavours magazine, "Off Limits", the author debunks myths, including our stereotypes of what an abuser looks and acts like: "My predator was – and remains today – a kind and soft-spoken person, a family man and an exemplary member of the community who’s always the first on the scene to help anyone. How can such a ‘good’ person do ‘bad’ things? This is a question that has driven me most of my life to try to understand – not excuse – what happened to me."

More from Family Flavours' "Off Limits":

Sexual abuse can entail the forcing of unwanted sexual activity by one person on another by use of threats or coercion. It includes oral sex, intercourse, fingering, fondling – anything sexual – that you didn’t agree to and that makes you feel uncomfortable, scared or threatened. “Most sexual abuse doesn’t start with rape, but a form of ‘grooming’ that gets the child comfortable with increasing degrees of sexual intimacy,” says Wendy Merdian, an Amman-based resident expert in sexual abuse, having trained over 150 women in Jordan as well as others in Turkey, Iraq, the United States and across Europe in principles of emotional and spiritual recovery. “This emotional hooking that often precedes the physical act can include exposure to pornography, ‘helping’ pre-teens bathe or shower, ‘checking’ for supposed infections, using sexual terminology that’s inappropriate and offensive, making the child a confidante to ‘help with problems’,” she adds. 

The ultimate betrayal 

Despite the stereotypical image we have, abusers usually do not look like monsters and it is relatively rare for them to be strangers. The majority of abuse is based on coercion rather than force; giving in doesn’t mean that you agreed to have sex. Often times, abuse is perpetrated by someone we trust and care about within our social sphere – a relative, a family friend, a teacher or trainer. It can affect anyone regardless of age, gender, socio-economic background, religion, physical appearance, sexuality, intellect or ability. 

My predator was – and remains today – a kind and soft-spoken person, a family man and an exemplary member of the community who’s always the first on the scene to help anyone. How can such a ‘good’ person do ‘bad’ things? This is a question that has driven me most of my life to try to understand – not excuse – what happened to me. 

The emotional toll 

The majority of survivors never report the abuse often because they are afraid of other people’s reactions; they may feel deep humiliation and shame at having been victimised or they may fear getting in trouble or being judged. As a child, I wasn’t believed by my parents and the shame and judgement that sprung from ignorance only deepened the long-term emotional wounds of abuse. Throughout it all, I seemed ‘normal’ to everyone because I would automatically numb myself, deaden my emotions and mentally escape my body; I could function without fully experiencing the emotional impact as a self-defence mechanism 

Dr Josi Salem-Pickartz calls dissociation, its clinical term. Dr Salem-Pickartz describes the emotional toll abuse has on many survivors: “Be they men or women, common symptoms include anxiety and mistrust, feeling powerless, self-doubts, self-disgust and feelings of guilt. For the survivor, even the protective environment of a clinical setting or self-help group does not lessen the pain of acknowledging that this happened.” 

Shutting down is a learned response that continues even today as a protective mechanism for avoiding anxiety and having to confront my emotions. Merdian explains that ‘shutting down’ is a method of protecting oneself from further pain. “Others do this in different ways: becoming aggressive and using anger to keep others away, becoming very outwardly religious to try and ‘earn’ God’s favour, while others develop a carefree attitude where nothing matters,” she says. Each method affects the victim’s ability to achieve intimate emotional relationships. 

A culture of silence 

Our society perpetuates huge double standards, where sexual feelings and expression are acceptable for men but unacceptable for women, and maintains that women provoke unwanted sexual advances – and even rape – by their appearance, behaviour or mere existence. Sexual harassment or rape is never the victim's fault; it is the result of a culture (be it in Western societies or here in the Middle East) that promotes male dominance. It's the extreme expression of a continuum that ranges from sex-role stereotyping and sexist remarks to sex-based discrimination and, ultimately, to actual sexual harassment and violence against women. Merdian further explains the deep seeded cultural belief that “men innately can’t control themselves”. This widespread assumption gives men a carte blanche for sexual abuse and places the sole responsibility on women to keep men ‘safe from temptation’, she says. 

How we raise our children 

A great number of offenders are unaware that their behaviour is offensive or they are unaware of the seriousness of it. Some otherwise ‘good’ men have a thwarted idea that if a woman doesn’t verbally and forcefully express alarm then she must welcome the advance. 

Most ‘respectful’ teenage boys learn about sexual intimacy through their friends and what they see portrayed on television and in the movies. These sources promote disrespectful behaviour by teaching males that if they are ‘smooth’, they can just make their moves and the person will want them. 

This is why our role as parents is about more than seeing our children succeed in school or in their career path. It also entails teaching self-respect and respect for others. It doesn’t mean teaching our boys to simply open doors for a woman, but teaching our children to: 

*Not curse or name-call using words for sex and sexual organs 

*Hold their friend, girlfriend, fiancée or wife in the highest esteem which means not pressuring her to do anything she is uncomfortable with 

*Not tolerate any forms of disrespect. When a person believes in herself, she is more likely to make the right decision in difficult moments. Those with low self-esteem are more likely to lower their standards to please their partner or another abuser — a very dangerous and unhealthy practice 

*Avoid disrespecting any woman (or man) by making crude comments or advances, regardless of how they dress or behave 

Your body is yours alone 

No one has the right to force or pressure you into sex – not even your husband. Even if you have already had intercourse, it is still rape if on a particular occasion you did not desire sexual contact and the person forces himself upon you or uses psychological manipulation by threatening to end the relationship or to find another woman. 

Even in our conservative society, a couple could be engaged and have already partaken in kissing and possibly light sexual activity. The man may feel that ‘going further’ is his right and tries to pressure her by saying she had led him on or she would do it if she really loved him. Even a friend or colleague may want to sexualise the relationship and keep raising the issue. 

You control your body and have the right to decide what you are comfortable with. You don’t owe anyone and you don’t have to do anything you’re apprehensive about to prove you love someone. Saying no means no and anyone who continues to pressure you after that is not someone you want to be with anyway. Make decisions that are best for you, and don’t just focus on what your partner or others may think. Learn to communicate in a direct, confident way. If you don’t clearly say no, the other person may be unsure about what you want. By communicating clearly, there is no doubt. Put the message across – no means no. Merdian suggests training children to ‘yell and tell’. “Give them permission to speak up and to keep speaking up until an adult listens,” she says. 

What I learned about sex is forever shaped by my early experience of abuse. During abuse, your needs don’t matter; you have to cater to someone else’ sexual needs. Because I internalised this message well into adulthood, I wound up in a number of situations where I compromised myself sexually and emotionally. Because sexual abuse is a major violation of trust, I find it difficult to trust others but even more so, myself. Finding my voice and building self-respect and trust in myself – in my feelings, thoughts, beliefs, intuition and perceptions – is only a recent stride I’ve made and have to practice one day at a time. 

Where I once felt alone in my pain, I now know that I am not alone. Merdian, who’s a survivor of child sexual abuse herself, has taught me how God can redeem the deepest pain and even use it as a way to help others on their journey. 

Common myths 

*All molesters look sleazy – you can just tell 

*Sexual abusers are monsters and just look evil 

*Most abusers are strangers 

*This could never happen to my child, mother, sister, wife… 

*My children would tell me if anything like this happened to them 

*If my child had been abused, I would just know 

*It can't happen in my family 

Inner Peace, One Sip at a Time 

Some of the best memories I cherish from childhood are trips to the barren desert in Jordan. We didn’t have gadgets and gizmos back then but I was thrilled just running in the vast, boundless landscape, feeling the fresh breeze on my face, listening to the soothing sounds of wind blowing and picnicking with homemade sandwiches. 

Another distinct memory is the powerful aroma of sage leaves boiling in black tea and sugar on an open fire. Maramia as we know it in Arabic, is naturally grown in the desert and is known to ease the common cold, act as a digestive aid and relieve menstrual symptoms. 

On a recent trip to Azaq with my family, I got to introduce my kids to the aroma and taste of Bedouin tea – and the experience of boiling the tea in a pot on an open fire…that was exciting for them! While they relished in the preparation, I delighted in the sips that followed as no tea can compare to this! 

Our simple tea time in the desert reminded me of the importance of getting outdoors, taking a break from city life and the technologically driven lives we lead. Kids get to explore and act out their own adventures. For us adults, we get some well-deserved respite and peace of mind. 

Happy sipping!