Inner Peace, One Sip at a Time 

Some of the best memories I cherish from childhood are trips to the barren desert in Jordan. We didn’t have gadgets and gizmos back then but I was thrilled just running in the vast, boundless landscape, feeling the fresh breeze on my face, listening to the soothing sounds of wind blowing and picnicking with homemade sandwiches. 

Another distinct memory is the powerful aroma of sage leaves boiling in black tea and sugar on an open fire. Maramia as we know it in Arabic, is naturally grown in the desert and is known to ease the common cold, act as a digestive aid and relieve menstrual symptoms. 

On a recent trip to Azaq with my family, I got to introduce my kids to the aroma and taste of Bedouin tea – and the experience of boiling the tea in a pot on an open fire…that was exciting for them! While they relished in the preparation, I delighted in the sips that followed as no tea can compare to this! 

Our simple tea time in the desert reminded me of the importance of getting outdoors, taking a break from city life and the technologically driven lives we lead. Kids get to explore and act out their own adventures. For us adults, we get some well-deserved respite and peace of mind. 

Happy sipping!

13 November is World Kindness Day

Hearts, kisses, habibties. Our text messages, emails and social media posts are full of fluffy warm fuzzies. Sure, those blow-a-kiss emoticons are cute. 

Every day I wake up with a conscious decision to love but it’s not that sunny bright feeling kind of love that warms our heart. The love I’m talking about here is based on the faith background I come from – Jesus and the apostles spoke about love but they never described it as a feeling. Love is presented to us as a choice, as a mind-set. 

In Paul’s characteristics of love in 1 Corinthians 13, every attribute involves acting out love, not feeling love. And when Jesus taught about love, He always described a conscious choice. John tells us Jesus “loved His disciples fully” right before Jesus started washing their feet, even the feet of the one who would betray him. 

As we commemorate World Kindness Day, I remember Paul’s letter to the Colossians (3:12), “…clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Not just on November 13th, or during Christmas season or the month of Ramadan, and not just with those who extend compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience to us. It’s not a point of weakness to love, to be kind – it comes from a place of strength and freedom. I will feel anger. I will feel pain but I choose not to act out of anger and pain. And this brings me peace. 

I may not blow you kisses or send you a heart-shaped box of chocolates. I may not sign off an email with a quickly, loosely worded “Love, Laura”. But you can trust that I won’t hold grudges. I won’t keep score. I won’t be vengeful or resentful. I will know the darkness in you (and in myself) but I will choose to also see, love and appreciate the light in you.

Family Flavours (November 2015)

Kindness to ALL

Muslim and Christian reflections on our spiritual health

We ask our religion experts to address the everyday issues that matter to you. This month, Noor Sa’adeh and Sonia Salfity stress the importance of practising kindness.

"Every act of kindness is a charity"

By Noor Sa'adeh, a Muslim Perspective

We all appreciate acts of kindness, particularly when they are unexpected. Offering acts of kindness to others is truly a win-win situation: the person you are being kind to benefits from your help and you feel good for having helped someone. With kindness, the world becomes a better place.

Very often, though, we feel we don’t have time for kind gestures. Here are some sweet and simple things we can do to practise this essential part of our faith. As Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) said, “Every act of kindness is a charity” (Bukhari, Muslim).

*If someone owes you money, extend the time they have to pay you back or, better yet, forgive the debt altogether 

*Teach a child or new Muslim one short verse of the Qur’an 

*Encourage others to remember God and be patient when the going gets rough 

*Plant something edible! “If anyone plants something or sows seed from which a [person], a bird or an animal eats, it counts as a charity for him” (Bukhari, Muslim) 

*Help make peace between two people 

*Offer a drink, food, money, thanks or a smile to a worker 

*Help someone struggling with heavy bags 

*Say something nice to someone 

*Remove harmful things from the paths of others 

*Call your parents, spouse, children or friends to tell them you love them 

*Give an unexpected gift for no occasion 

*Praise the service you received from a waiter, nurse, mechanic or teacher 

*Refrain from backbiting by changing the subject 

*Visit a sick friend or relative 

*Take food to your elderly or sick neighbour 

*Wait your turn in line 

*Give a good tip 

*Hold the door for someone 

*Give up your seat for someone elderly or a person in need 

*Stop yourself from scolding a child who’s done something naughty but harmless 

*Let another driver take the parking spot 

*Supplicate for someone you are angry with 

*Forgive someone who has done you wrong 

*Make a donation to a cause or charity 

*Bite your tongue to stop yourself from saying something cruel 

*Give someone advice in a wise and gentle manner 

*Offer to hold a crying baby to give the parent a break 

*Thank every good driver on the road 

*Refrain from cursing the bad ones 

*Give charity to someone asking and speak to them for a moment. *A kind word may mean more than money! 

*Thank someone who helped you long ago 

*Put your phone away when talking to someone face to face 

*Buy something new? Give something else away 

*Don't interrupt others when they are speaking (this may be a tough one!) 

*Talk to someone who is shy 

*Engage a child who’s bored or acting naughty while his parents are busy 

*Share your favourite book 

*Hug a friend or relative whether they look like they need it or not (everyone can always use a hug) 

*Volunteer without expectation of reward or recognition 

*Treat all animals (God's creatures) kindly and compassionately 

*Carry simple food stuffs, outgrown clothing or shoes in your car to give to kids who beg at traffic lights 

*Offer an encouraging word 

*Be grateful at all times to God and others 

...and smile, smile, smile! It’s good for everybody!

"When I find myself with neither the desire nor the ability to share a kind word, I go back to our Lord and ask for more" 

By Sonia Salfity, a Christian Perspective

As I reflect on one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, namely kindness, I am fully aware that it's not easy to be kind to everyone all the time, especially to people who are plain mean! I’m thinking of that person who cut you off in traffic, almost causing a fatal accident, or someone who stole from you. I’m thinking of that person who lied to you or broke your trust. 

Relying only on my own strength, I'm only capable of being kind to those who extend kindness to me. However, if I draw on God's Holy Spirit, I can somehow extend kindness to the unlovable, unkind people. I'm not sure exactly how this works, but I do know it has something to do with seeing people through God's lens rather than my own. God made everyone, therefore He loves everyone. Think about how much we tolerate our own children, downplaying their negative attributes, yet how quickly we judge that same behaviour in someone outside our family. We pick and choose who to show kindness to, but as Christians, we are each called to put on our spiritual glasses and see in others what God sees in each of us.

A new freedom

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness," says Galatians 5:22. How beautiful it is when God shows us acts of kindness that are blind to race, colour, ethnicity, economic background and past records. Unconditional love expressed through kind acts is one of the most rewarding experiences. We are blessed with a new freedom when we do something for someone else with no expectations of reciprocation. This type of freedom doesn't hold our hearts hostage as we wait for that person's next move.

Extending kindness to others should never be based on how we feel but on how God feels. If we live in Christ and He lives in us, then it doesn't matter if others have wronged us in the past or if they will never appreciate our actions. What matters is that these acts of kindness serve to keep our spiritual circulation moving. They prevent the hardening of our soul's arteries. They ultimately save us from suffering from a debilitating clot that can potentially stop our hearts, which were made to love.

Expressing kindness in the presence 

Kindness comes in a variety of different packages. It might be a big act like forgiving someone's debt or paying off their loan. But it can also be expressed with small acts like sharing a bright smile or acknowledging someone with a heartfelt hello or a hug. It might be actually paying attention to someone after you ask how they're doing rather than daydreaming or thinking about what you're going to say next. These are simple gestures that are sadly becoming extinct. 

These days, it's becoming the norm for people to check their emails and text messages right in the middle of a conversation. To be fully present at any given moment is an act of kindness towards ourselves and others, for that very moment will soon pass and it can never be recaptured. If we aren't fully present, then we can’t be aware of subtle nuances like a person's body language and facial expressions or the pain in someone's eyes as they desperately pretend that they're doing just fine. When we are only halfway present, we are disrespecting ourselves and the people trying to connect with us. We are, in effect, cheating ourselves out of our lives.

“Clothe yourselves with compassion” 

When I find myself running on empty and have neither the desire nor the ability to share a kind word or a sweet embrace with one of God's beloved children, I go back to our Lord and ask for more. God's unlimited supply of grace and mercy refills my tank to an overflowing abundance of joy and peace to be shared with those He puts in my path. 

In his letter to the Colossians (3:12), Paul wrote, "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." When we are dearly loved, we can love dearly; that is how we experience the transforming power of God's kingdom here on earth. 

More than Just a Story 

I grew up watching She-Ra so when it came out on DVD, I bought the set and my son loved watching it – up until a friend came over and told him “This is for girls” just because the main character is female. 

We know our children are confronted with this on a daily basis – “you can’t do this, like this, be this…because you are a boy/girl”. I can’t control what other people tell my child and the impact their words have on him but I can at least provide him with an environment at home where he knows that he can be himself. It is an open environment for experimentation and discovery where my child can choose the toy, hobby, book or colour that best represent him, regardless of the gender, race or cultural background of the characters in his books or movies.

Books and movies allow children to peek into each other’s worlds and also to find an affirming reflection of themselves. Boys need to see girls play sports. Girls need to see other girls play sports. White children need to see black and Asian children as princesses and football players. Children shouldn’t only see images of Arab boys in the context of conflict or African children in the context of poverty. 

I want my boys to see images of comfort, their world reflected in pictures but also images of inspiration and imagination. Essentially, these are not just words and pictures on a page; they tell our children who they are and who they can become. 

Amazing Grace

One of the books on my son’s bookshelf is Amazing Grace by Mary Hoffman. It is about a girl named Grace who loves stories. Her favourite thing to do is to act out any story that she comes across. She's been Joan of Arc, Hiawatha, a pirate, and Mowgli to name a few. 

One day her teacher informs her class that they will be performing a play about Peter Pan. Grace was so excited! She wants to be Peter Pan! However, some of her peers tell her that she can't be Peter because she doesn't look like Peter. But, she didn't look like Mowgli, Hiawatha, or Joan of Arc either. How can her classmates say this to her? How does this make Grace feel? Does she get to play Peter? 

Distraught by her classmates reactions, Grace returns home and tells her mother and grandmother about what happened. With a little encouragement from her family and inspiration from an actress who plays characters that don't look like her, Grace overcomes the doubts of her peers and fulfils her desire to play Peter.

I use Amazing Grace to pass on a few important messages that I hope my son will pick up on, including:

*Let’s follow our dreams, regardless of what people tell us

*Let’s remember that we are all capable of doing amazing things regardless of our gender, race, culture, etc

*Let’s stand out as individuals in spite of criticism. In other words, let’s remain true to ourselves even when we are teased for being different

The Superhero In Us

Last week when children at my son’s school could go dressed in any costume they wished, predictably, most of them went in as their favourite superheroes. Batman, Spider-Man...you know them all. But when a fight ensued between boys, it got me thinking: are punches and kicks all that our children see in their superhero stories?

Every week my son brings home from the library a superhero book and every week I roll my eyes. I love superhero movies but I would rather my son show some interest in more things in life! 

But when we came this week to reading Robin’s First Flight, it dawned on me that these superhero books actually have a lot of valuable lessons for both children and adults! So it was time for me to guide my child in a direction where he could figure these lessons out on his own and then apply it in his own life. Now instead of rolling my eyes, I’m eager for the next superhero book my son picks out!

Here are some lessons from our superheroes (you can pick out more, I’m sure!): 

Superheroes aren’t perfect

Kids don’t typically get this – they see strength and assume that their hero is perfect. They may see shortcomings in themselves (lack of confidence, for instance) which they can overcome only by acting out their superhero fantasies. But when we take a deeper look at our superheroes, we’ll find that they all have faults and questionable traits. 

Superheroes persevere.

Again, while kids typically see superpowers or physical strength in their hero, what really stands out is their will to persevere in the face of frustrating circumstances. Talent and intellect are important, but, just like Batman’s physical prowess, they can only get you so far.

Even superheroes know the value of teamwork 

Most major superheroes ended up joining a team (Batman and Superman in the Justice League and Wolverine in X-Men). But even on their own, superheroes always know the value of collaboration. Batman, for example, collaborated with the police, he had Robin and Alfred got the cool tools ordered. 

You don’t need superpowers to be a superhero

Bruce Wayne (Batman) and Tony Stark (Iron Man) don’t possess any superpowers, and they have a few personality flaws (Stark’s arrogance for instance). Yet they all possess powerful minds, ambition and persistence. They all have a strong commitment to justice. Ultimately, true power doesn’t come from our talent or skill; it comes from our character. 

So let’s get our children well acquainted with the character of their favourite superhero – after all, it is the characters of our superheroes that make them awesome, not so much their superpowers!

"You showed compassion, you were calm under pressure and you studied the facts before acting." (Robin's First Flight) 

Walking in a religiously diverse neighbourhood in Jerusalem, my seven-year-old son blurts out, “That man looks funny,” referring to a long-bearded Orthodox Jew with long sideburns and a large black hat. 

I was surprised that Omar would say this of anyone since he is raised in a well-travelled multicultural household that embraces diversity. He wasn’t using the term “funny” in a demeaning way – he was naturally curious, but I tend to find differences “interesting” rather than “funny”. 

I can’t expect my seven-year-old to know how to approach differences at his age when even we adults struggle sometimes with it ourselves. From “ninja” (a derogatory reference to a woman who’s completely veiled, including her face) to “redneck” (a derogatory reference to a rural white person of the Southern United States who’s often assumed to be ignorant and racist), I continue to hear people throw around these insults without questioning their meaning or the ramifications of using them. 

I took Omar’s natural curiosity as a chance to talk about differences as this kind of discussion is ongoing – it’s never a one time “talk” with our children. It was time to pull out one of my favourite books of all time, People, written and illustrated by Peter Spier. Although it’s a children’s book, it is as much for adults as it is for kids, which is why it’s on my bookshelf!

Spier portrays the amazing variety of human life on Earth. He points out that "we come in many colours," with different-looking features; that we dress in different ways, enjoy different things, have different personalities, live in different homes, speak and write different languages (including a wonderful double-page spread showing samples of 40 separate writing systems!), keep different pets, celebrate different holidays and worship in different ways; that "some of us excel at things others could never do," that there are more different ways of earning a living than you would believe. While you can anticipate some of the differences he points out, others are not so obvious. 

Yet, he observes, and this is one of my favourite quotes from his book: "Without a single exception, we all began quite small...we all live on the same planet, breathe the same air, and warm ourselves in the same sun. And in the end we all must die." 

The author sums up diversity in one beautiful sentence: "Imagine how dreadfully dull this world of ours would be if everybody would look, think, eat, dress and act the same!" He never exalts one way of life over another, but fills his pages with detailed colourful sketches, and ends with, “Now, isn’t it wonderful that each and every one of us is unlike any other?” 

This book is a fun read for my two-year-old and is a wonderful departure point for talking about all kinds of subjects from conflict to prejudice with my older child. 

Although first published in 1988, Peter Spier’s People is timeless and remains, as one School Library Journal review put it, “a wonderful introduction to a global view that will answer and arouse curiosity in the young and act as an absorbing reminder for any age." 

Although I’ve certainly enjoyed the privilege of luxury hotels and gourmet meals, some of the best memories I cherish from childhood are trips to the barren desert in Jordan. We didn’t have gadgets and gizmos back then, but I was thrilled just running in the vast, boundless landscape, feeling the fresh breeze on my face, listening to the soothing sounds of the wind blowing and picnicking with homemade sandwiches. 

Today, when we think of family vacations, we quickly tend to conjure up images of long-distance trips – perhaps sightseeing tours in Paris or Rome – or nonstop thrills at world-famous theme parks. For my family of four, quality family holidays have largely meant overnight trips across Jordan – camping in Wadi Rum, hiking in Ajloun and trekking in Wadi Feynan. We’re now planning a trip to Azraq and a safari tour to Shaumari Wildlife Reserve.

Simple pleasures 

We started taking our children – Omar (7) and Shareef (2) – on outdoor trips since they were as young as three months old. Although we’ve travelled the world, we’ve discovered that our sons’ favourite moments have involved digging in dirt and petting animals – you don’t need to jet off to faraway places for that! 

We don’t focus too much on the destination as it’s really about the journey. Flexibility is essential though! Taking children outdoors, especially younger ones, does not always go according to plan. Adults hike for exercise, the views and to get somewhere; young kids want to throw rocks in a creek. We let them.

Making travel a priority 

Regardless of the family holiday destinations you choose, what’s important is that you go. Between work and daily obligations, it’s easy to opt for staying home and relying on play dates to keep the children occupied and content. But family vacations have numerous benefits; not only do they provide you with wonderful memories and stories to tell for years to come, but they’re also a unique opportunity for children to learn and grow into well-rounded world citizens.

For the Love of Pumpkins

I love pumpkins. 

They take me back to my American roots with...

Pumpkin carvings...

Halloween...

Vala's Pumpkin Patch with my sister in Omaha, Nebraska... 

Virginia's Fall foliage with beautiful swatches of vibrant yellows, reds and oranges...

And I love pumpkin in dishes this time of year: 

Pumpkin chili

Pumpkin-Ricotta Stuffed Shells

Risotto with pumpkin & rosemary

Pumpkin spice lattes

Pumpkin bread

Pumpkin french toast

Pumpkin pies

Pumpkin brownies

Pumpkin cobbler with ice cream

And so it goes 

Family Flavours this month includes some of Chef Sally Jane Hurst's pumpkin recipes 

(scroll down for full recipes): 

Creamy Pumpkin Soup

Za’tar Spiced Pumpkin Seeds

Autumn Pumpkin & Kale Salad with Date Gremolata

Chef Sally at Al Salleh Farms Market

Chef Sally says, "Roasting the pumpkins is the best way to develop the inherent sweetness in the flesh, but I also sprinkled on some Middle Eastern spices before baking to add layers of flavour. And don’t forget the pumpkin seeds inside! They serve as a wonderful garnish, as I’ve done here, and also make the perfect healthy snack. If you’re feeling ambitious, serving the soup inside the hollowed out shell of a pumpkin is a festive and beautiful way to wow your guests and encourage even the pickiest kid to eat their vegetables!"

Nice to have a variety of different pumpkins to cook and decorate with. Chef Sally introduces us to kabocha, blue lokota, casper, butternut, pattypan and sugar

Creamy Pumpkin Soup

This soup is so warm and nourishing. You can up the amount of cumin you use for a more Middle Eastern twist on the dish.

Ingredients 

800 g pumpkin, peeled and cut into 2 cm cubes

1 tsp ground cumin

1 tsp salt

½ tsp ground black pepper

2 tbsp olive oil

1 large yellow onion, roughly chopped

2 garlic cloves, minced

1 tbsp fresh ginger, minced

1 L vegetable or chicken stock

Labaneh and spiced pumpkin seeds to garnish 

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C and place the cut pumpkin on a baking tray

2. Sprinkle with the cumin, salt, pepper and half the olive oil and give it a good massage, coating the cubes well

3. Bake in the oven for 30 to 35 minutes until tender and set aside

4. In a large saucepan, heat the other half of the olive oil and add the onions

5. Cook until soft, about ten minutes, then add the garlic and ginger and stir until fragrant

6. Place the cooked pumpkin in the pan and stir well to combine

7. Stir in the stock and allow it to come to a simmer for about 20 minutes

8. Carefully transfer the soup to a blender and blend until smooth

9. Place in serving bowls, top with the labaneh and pumpkin seeds and serve 

Za’tar Spiced Pumpkin Seeds

Try different spices or even sugar to change the flavour of your seeds. Your imagination is the only limit on these yummy snacks!

Ingredients

1 cup fresh pumpkin seeds

1 egg white

3 tsp za’tar spice mix

1 tsp sea salt

Directions

1. Preheat your oven to 180°C

2. After you’ve removed the seeds from your pumpkin, place them in a fine sieve and run under water to remove any extra stringy flesh still on them 

3. Place them in a saucepan with two cups of water and half a teaspoon of salt and boil for ten minutes

4. Drain the seeds, allow to cool slightly and place them in a large bowl with the egg white, za’tar and additional half teaspoon of salt

5. Transfer them to a baking tray and bake for about 12 minutes, until golden. Allow to cool

Autumn Pumpkin & Kale Salad with Date Gremolata

People sometimes complain that kale is bitter, but when paired with sweet pumpkin and dates, it becomes a deliciously hearty, healthy salad that’s an entire meal on a plate!

Ingredients

1 kabocha pumpkin (butternut squash works well too), peeled and cut into wedges

1 tsp sumac

1 tsp fresh sage, finely chopped

1 tsp salt

½ tsp pepper

2 tbsp olive oil

250 g kale, stems removed and cut into strips

4 dates, pitted and finely chopped

Zest and juice of one lemon

2 tbsp za’tar spiced pumpkin seeds, finely chopped

Directions

1. Preheat your oven to 180°C and place your pumpkin wedges on a baking tray

2. Rub the pumpkin with the sumac, sage, salt, pepper and olive oil

3. Place in the oven for 30 to 35 minutes, until tender and golden 

4. Meanwhile, in a bowl, whisk together the lemon juice, salt, pepper and remaining one tablespoon of olive oil

5. Toss together half of it with your ribbons of kale and allow to sit for about 10 minutes before you plan on eating

6. In another small bowl, mix together the dates, lemon zest and pumpkin seeds

7. To assemble, place the dressed kale on a plate, arrange the roasted pumpkin wedges on top and garnish with the date gremolata

8. Spoon over a little bit more of the dressing to your taste and serve