Friday, August 21, 2015

There are days I feel like I’m failing in every way.

That I’m doing everything wrong.

That the most important things are not as they should be.

My kids see a side of me that I would be embarrassed and ashamed to show anyone else.

My boss points out what I already know – I’m falling behind with my work.

My spouse who once made me smile now only seems to harp at me. 

Day in and day out, I’m reminded of something that’s wrong with me. How I haven’t lived up to other people's expectations. 

Yet the most piercing accusations come from myself with the belief that I’m not a good enough wife, a good enough mother, a good enough colleague.

I’m ruining my children. 

I’m not the woman my husband married.

I’m not meeting my boss’ expectations. I’m an utter disappointment. 

Why can’t I get it together? 

I’m far too behind to catch up.

Why can’t I be on top of things? 

Why can’t I be more like [fill in the blank] who [all the things they seem to be doing better]? 

Then I run into my sister-in-law, a mother of three, who says to me:  “You’re amazing. I don’t know how you do it all. I can’t do what you do.”

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