Flavour of the Day with Noora

I look at some mamas and envy how amazing their children turned out to be. Very well-balanced kids with great manners, excelling in one form or the other, or simply, just happy and friendly children.

Initially, I never really understood the extent to which a mama made that happen; as if it happened purely because the child was talented or had a good personality. Now of course, I realise that it's more what the mama or baba put in, rather than the child alone.

Yet, I am also realising what a sacrifice it is. Your child doesn't just turn out to be a talented pianist or athletic or loveable or compassionate. You have to invest your time, energy and effort to spot it and then build on it. All the mamas I know who have amazing kids, dedicated years and years for their children and families alone. They made decisions about their marriage or careers based on what was good for the kids and not what was good for them.

My husband is always telling me that when push came to shove, I did exactly that by quitting my job and staying home with Yousef. I chose the family.

But why am I finding this decision to be so difficult? I am always questioning myself and wondering, when will it be my time again? Will I be hurting my kids if I decide to go back to work soon? Am I a bad mama for thinking of myself?

I got so used to the fact that my husband and I personally do everything for our kids, without a nanny, helper or housekeeper, that the idea of finding someone to help with the kids while I go back to work is killing me.

What is right and what is wrong?

Flavour of the Day with Noora

Under Control or Total Chaos

It's amazing how motherhood can sometimes make me feel like I have everything under total control one second and that I am just a complete mess the next.

I usually feel so content and very proud of what I achieved when I am done cooking and cleaning, have managed to convince Yousef to take his allergy medication without a struggle, or managed to do anything for my family without feeling so exhausted.

On the other hand, which is most cases, I just feel like I cannot do anything right. Yousef won't take his nap which in turn means I cannot finish my work, I haven't managed to cook and end up ordering take out, or just feel so exhausted by 8pm that I am begging Yousef to go to sleep before I do.

It seems like all mamas feel the same way too. My friend says she feels like she is living with a stop watch ticking over her head. Life has become so crazy and hectic for women, especially working mamas, that they seem to feel like they are in a lose-lose situation. They are not able to perfect either one of their roles, professional or mama-related.

So, what's the solution? Must a working mama always feel that something has to suffer in order to get a little bit of all? It just seems totally unfair to always have to choose either or.

I still haven't managed to find the right balance that will suit my family and I am beginning to wonder if there is such a thing as balance in the first place

Flavour of the Day with Noora

The Career Talk

Today, my husband and I had a talk about my career. I have always been very work-oriented. Whenever I would think about where I want to be in 5, 10, or even 15 years, I always imagine myself with a job and not just a mama and wife.

That said, when I had Yousef, I decided to take time off work for two reasons:

a) I didn't want anyone to take care of MY baby.

b) I had no one to take care of him, even if that was what I wanted.

Yet, after doing this whole mama thing for a year and a half now, I realise that I need more, I need a career.

My husband has been trying to convince me to go into teaching "for the good of the family", he says. "You get long vacations, appropriate working hours, and most importantly, you make a difference in people's lives". To me, the thought of going into anything other than advertising or marketing is out of the question.

However, when I think of my dream job, I know exactly how demanding it is and right away a million questions pop in my mind: "who will watch the kids after school? Will I have time to do homework with them? Who will do the cooking? Will I have to send them to their after school activities with the nanny?". But again, does this mean that I have to put my own dreams on hold for the next 10 years and hope to god that I still have the energy to pursue them after the kids are grown up?

Nothing about being a mama is fair, every body knows that. But, where does the line between "good mama" end and "selfish mama" begin? Is there any way to choose between mama-land and work without guilt or consequences?

Flavour of the Day with Noora

Housekeeper Madness

I have had the worst luck trying to find a housekeeper for the past 8 moths. Anyone who has thought of getting some help knows how impossible it has been lately. First, I went to a recruitment office that took me around in circles for 4 months. They changed my order around 3 times without telling me and I ended up cancelling it all together. Then, I thought I lucked out with this sweet, friendly looking woman who seemed to be happy with us as well. We went clothes shopping, bought her all sorts of personal items and everything seemed to go smoothly. Two weeks later, I wake up to find out that she had run away during the night. How? Where? With who? It all remains a mystery.

My third attempt was with an office that promised me a maximum waiting duration of two weeks. Surprise, surprise, they cancelled my order in less than 5 days as the woman we had agreed on getting turned out to be pregnant! Attempt number four was with a relative's housekeeper who had promised to come back and work with us as soon as she finishes from her holiday. Again, we went clothes shopping, bought presents for her family and agreed on a raise even before she worked with us. End result? She travelled and never returned.

Now, I am at my fifth try, dealing with a new recruitment office who suddenly stopped answering my calls! It's been two weeks and no word what so ever.

My baby is due in 2 months and with the house and three kids in total (two of them under 2 years-old), I'm dying for someone to help out.

Flavour of the Day with Noora

Is it Just a Phase?

It is becoming almost impossible to get anything done around the house with Yousef. When I'm cooking, he is on the ground, pulling my pants and crying his eyes out. When I am loading the laundry into the washing machine, he is fighting his way to sit inside it. And when I am on my laptop trying to work for just 5 minutes, he is throwing a tantrum because he wants to sit in my lap and type on the computer.

I am not exaggerating, if my attention is not on him 100%, then his solution is to cry and yell. And if he is not doing that, then he is up to something evil like throwing my lotion, shoes, remote controls or anything else he can reach down the garbage.

The question is, do I ignore him until he learns that sometimes mama is busy and you have to wait or does ignoring him only feed his anxiety?

Flavour of the Day with Noora

Mama x 28

I decided to count how many times a day Yousef calls "mama". We woke up at 8:30am and by the time it was 10:30, the count reached 29 times and I am sure I missed a few.

Six months pregnant, zero help and two kids, makes 29 times in 2 hours a bit too much for me to handle. As a result, I let him eat cookies (lots of them), watch an episode of his favourite show twice in a row and I hate to admit this, but I even let him tear apart a shopping catalogue, all to keep him distracted.

I thought I would be the kind of mother who would read a lot to my baby, spend a lot of one on one time playing with him like I used to do with my nieces and nephews and definitely have a lot more patience.

I don't know if this is the pregnancy talking but I often I find myself just trying to get through the day and so looking forward to 9pm when I can put him to sleep and just chill out alone. I feel guilty though, like I am not giving him the attention he deserves. And the strange thing is that it doesn't seem to affect his love or attachment to me, 29 times in 2 hours is quite impressive! God give all mamas the strength to finally see their children all grown up, I wish I can fast forward our lives to 10 years from now. I'm sure I will be on a vacation somewhere alone with my husband!

Flavour of the Day with Noora

Mama vs. Baba

Do you ever feel like you and your husband are on completely different pages when it comes to

disciplining your children? Even if you agree on the end goal, the methods are exactly the opposite?

I am a bit old school. I like to teach my child that no is sometimes just no. Without debate, asking more than once, trying to convince my child to listen to me and most importantly without argument. "You cannot do this thing because I said so." I remember when my dad said no about something I would feel a knot in my throat but wouldn't dare to say another word.

My husband however grew up with a father who took his time in explaining everything. As a child, my husband was "convinced" to do the things his parents were asking.

Lately, and as our kids are getting older, we are both trying to apply our own ways which we believe are in the best interest of our children. I believe that my way teaches our children respect and good manners that will definitely be reflected on the way they deal with other children and especially other parents. He believes that his way "encourages a child's creativity". And to be totally honest, I sometimes admire his patience even though hearing the discussion can drive me crazy!

While the rule of thumb in parenting is that there is no one right way, we cannot seem to find common ground. As if parenting is not hard enough, how are we supposed to work around this?