Flavour Of The Day With Noora

Ever since I had Yousef two years ago, I have been reflecting on my life and the choices I've made. While there is nothing more precious to me than having a healthy marriage, and healthy, happy children, I have lately realised that I completely lost track of who I was/am.

I've become over occupied with being "the perfect wife, step mama, and mama" and convinced myself that if I can just achieve that, I will be "perfectly happy". This turned out to be a major lie to myself; because when I focused just on that, I became only that. Even the thing I thought I was doing for myself, which is getting back into shape, I stuck the word mama in there. I want to be a fit and healthy mama; I want to be a mama that has gone back to her pre-baby weight; I don't want to look like a chubby mama that accepted what pregnancy has done to her body.

Yes, I am a mama, but is that it? After my kids are older and occupied with their own lives, would I be as emotionally dependent on them as they are on me now because that is all I have come to know? The perfectionist in me has done this, and I don't how to undo it. But I do know this, I am sure to regret it one day.