The Decisions We Make as Parents

Do you ever think that we, as parents, will have the luxury of peace of mind? I mean really, doesn't every decision we make, make us question ourselves: if we are ruining our kids' lives, or if we are even on the right track. I have lately come to find the rationale behind my own self-judement, it is purely my own fears clouding my judgement, much more than my child's actual state. For example, today is my second day on a job. I have been seeking to get back into the work market for months, did extensive planning and research, and finally came to the conclusion that now is the time. Leaving both my kids at home with the nanny was a first of its kind move in the past three years. While they were fine, waved good bye and wished me luck, my heart sank. My mind was bombarded with a million very far-fetched scenarios that can go wrong. I doubted myself then and there. What kind of a mother was I to be leaving my young kids? How can I ever forgive myself if something went wrong? What would have been the big deal if I stayed at home with them for another year? And the worries just kept on rolling. Yet, their actual state: happy, watching TV and pretending to be on a boat. I could then see this scenario throughout their lives, different phases, different concerns, same self-judgment. The curse of a parent's guilt and self-judgement seems never ending. If we are lucky, our children won't tap into it and use it to their benefit!