Friday, May 24, 2013

Flavour of the Day with Noora

Judgemental Mamas
In my daughter's swimming class which requires mamas' and babies' participation together, all of us mamas are with our babies in the water. In addition to the importance of the mama learning to teach her infant swimming skills, the importance of quality time between mama and child is constantly emphasised by the instructor. 
That is why when pregnant mama with toddler came with her nanny and let the nanny go into the pool with her so, all of us mamas were a bit confused. Of course, we could all see that she was pregnant and justified the situation, yet we quietly had our judgments. None of us really got how bad the mama felt until I went into the changing rooms.
There, I found pregnant mama standing behind the lockers, crying for her crying boy! And the first thing she told me, a complete stranger to her, was"please don't think I am the type of mama who throws my child at the nanny, I always play with him and do all the activities with him, he is never without me, however when I went into the water last week, all the jumping and movement really affected my pregnant body."
I felt so sorry for her, and realised how us mama are always and forever afraid of other mamas' judgment! So many of us judge, no matter how kind and thoughtful we are. I think it comes from our innate desire to have the perfect family and the perfect kids. No matter how much we deny it, we hate to have our kids behave as kids, especially in front of strangers. And no matter how amazing you are, at some point or the other, you surely say to yourself:" I will never do that, my kids will never act like that, etc."
Yesterday, my heart went out to this crying mama behind the lockers who felt so judged and weak that she confided in a total stranger. Telling her that  her situation is completely understandable did not ease her discomfort a bit, but only made her want to explain the situation more. It seems that no matter how "in control" you think you are, a mama's insecurities towards her own kids will always surface around other mamas!  


Anonymous said...

I teach a Parent baby swim class and i think it would be best if the dad would have stepwd up and helped, instead of nanny. When patents sign up for my class youust have two parents or grandparents agree to be there, this helps share the load if needed. Lastly maybe the momma should have not over extended herself while she is pregnant. Not taking mommie and swim is really not going to matter latter in life!

Anonymous said...

Hi Noora
I so agree with you, every family can go through so many circumstances that forces them to act in certain way. Of course I myself am guilty of being judgmental although I am huge advocate for not judging moms! I used to always judge a mom for traveling and leaving her teenager to be handled by driver, only to discover later that she was traveling for treatment ! I was so angry with myself for falling into that trap.
I believe we have to always reason that people are different, their beliefs and morals are different, and that different doesn't mean wrong or bad, just different!

Reem said...

can i ask about where this class is? & while we're at it any advice about a place where i can teach my girl ballet? i mean is there like a place that is known across the city for being the best????

Noora said...

Dear Anonymous-es and Reem of course :)

Thanks for your comments! After writing my post, I realised that I was a lot less judgmental before I was a mama. In fact, I used to blame and fight other people who were. It's strange how at a certain age, you suddenly realise that SO MANY habits you used to condemn, no matter how small, have made their way into your life. Even certain foods or desserts you never liked, suddenly become your favourites. Why is that?!

As for the classes, look out for the June Issue of Family Flavours and Nakahat 'Ailiyeh as they will include "Baby Flavours", a booklet designed to give you the best list of various activities for your children including parks, summer camps, child-friendly restaurants, play areas, mama and me groups and lots more.

How old is your daughter?