Sometimes, I just need a break from the responsibility. I wish I can go out, not AFTER the kids are asleep at 10:30pm but to leave the house at 7pm and know that my kids would be taken care of as if I were there.
Mona would be given her bottle and in her crib by 9pm while Yousef would have his daily bedtime routine and would be sleeping in his own bed. I wish I can go out with the comfort of knowing that nothing will be skipped because it's easier to skip it, just like I don't skip anything.
I miss having my shower during the regular hours of the day rather than the really late ones when I can barely keep my eyes open. I miss falling asleep in my bed rather than dozing off on the floor or on Layla's bed while I'm waiting for Yousef to sleep. It's these tiny stuff that when accumulated over time, result in fatigue and suffocating repetitiveness.
Since my husband has been over occupied with work for the past 4 months, this window of escape has disappeared and I am finding myself overwhelmed by the responsibility of daily life.
During the day, when your child does something cute, you just want to hug and cuddle him as long as you can, but come night time, you just need a break!