I look at some mamas and envy how amazing their children turned out to be. Very well-balanced kids with great manners, excelling in one form or the other, or simply, just happy and friendly children.
Initially, I never really understood the extent to which a mama made that happen; as if it happened purely because the child was talented or had a good personality. Now of course, I realise that it's more what the mama or baba put in, rather than the child alone.
Yet, I am also realising what a sacrifice it is. Your child doesn't just turn out to be a talented pianist or athletic or loveable or compassionate. You have to invest your time, energy and effort to spot it and then build on it. All the mamas I know who have amazing kids, dedicated years and years for their children and families alone. They made decisions about their marriage or careers based on what was good for the kids and not what was good for them.
My husband is always telling me that when push came to shove, I did exactly that by quitting my job and staying home with Yousef. I chose the family.
But why am I finding this decision to be so difficult? I am always questioning myself and wondering, when will it be my time again? Will I be hurting my kids if I decide to go back to work soon? Am I a bad mama for thinking of myself?
I got so used to the fact that my husband and I personally do everything for our kids, without a nanny, helper or housekeeper, that the idea of finding someone to help with the kids while I go back to work is killing me.
What is right and what is wrong?